Calm down, psycho.

So, he's not texting back.

You're not new to this. You've done this before.

And that's probably why you're freaking out.

All these boys you've went out with before, they all had these weird behaviors.

I know. I get it.

But, come on. Calm down.

He's probably busy. You know that. 

You had a great day yesterday. There's no reason for him to not want to meet you again. Okay, he was a little tired yesterday, but you made him tired. In a good way. In a bed way.

He'll text you later. Tell you what time is a good time for him to meet you again.

Of course he wants to meet you again. You're fun and smart, he said so himself. And hot. And he can have sex with you. Start thinking like a guy. He'd be pretty stupid to turn down an oppurtunity to fuck. I know, you even met guys who would refuse that. But you know what? They had no idea. And he has an idea now, so stop feeling "not goog enough". he likes you. He said so himself. And he doesn't need to repeat that every two minutes. 

He shouldn't have to. You have some self-esteem and don't need a guy to tell you how much you're worth.

He'll go on that trip with you. Yes, really.

But that's months from now.

First, he'll ask you to meet in a few days, maybe even hours from now. Okay? Stop freaking out.

Look, he sent you a... he sent you a smiley. 

:)

A face. Okay. It's not a sad face.

Oh, did you really just send him another face back? 

Well done, you. If you guys keep going at this rate you'll be married next month.

Of course I'm being sarcastic.

Now go get ready, you have stuff to do. Stuff where you can't look at your phone. 

Yeah, that'll teach him. Something like that.

Or maybe not. Because, you know, he also doesn't look at his phone all the fucking time.

It will be okay. Probably.

I know that at this point I should be blogging about my trip to London, but there's something else that's been bugging me. 

You know the feeling when you don't care about something? But do you also know the feeling when you don't care for something when you used to care a lot about it? I think the first time I experienced this was when I told a friend about my past relationships and realized that some of them don't really make me feel anything anymore. Of some I still think and I still have some feelings left. But not in some cases. That felt odd and at the same liberating. Or maybe something is wrong with me, because shouldn't you care for someone who once meant a lot to you? Maybe I'm sick or something. But some of these people that I used to cry a lot over don't really take up any space in my heart or mind. I don't even feel the need to look for them on social media or write them for their birthday. I don't think that the news that they passed away or are ill or something horrible would affect me in any way. Maybe I am a coldhearted bitch. 

But then again, these people made me that way to some extent.

Now there's this thing that has been a pretty big thing in my life for... what, almost 3 years? And yesterday I realized that I would be confronted with that thing, that person, again in a few days. And my initial reaction was: "Meh."

I guess after I suffered through mot of this summer, I finally healed. Or I'm too obsessed with another thing that I can't muster the feelings for that big (yes, actually pretty big) thing. I used to be obsessed about it. 

Maybe (I don't know if I should hope for it, or not) I will suddenly be obsessed again once the date is here and I can't hide or distract myself. But I never felt this way about that thing before. Never. And that is kind of odd, scary even. 

I really hope that I have healed. That it's going to be okay after such a long time. Such a fucking long time. 

I don't regret anything of the past 3 years, I really don't. I think the reason I'm writing this blog now is that I'm even a little sad that apparently, it is over. Everything beautiful dies...