It will be okay. Probably.

I know that at this point I should be blogging about my trip to London, but there's something else that's been bugging me. 

You know the feeling when you don't care about something? But do you also know the feeling when you don't care for something when you used to care a lot about it? I think the first time I experienced this was when I told a friend about my past relationships and realized that some of them don't really make me feel anything anymore. Of some I still think and I still have some feelings left. But not in some cases. That felt odd and at the same liberating. Or maybe something is wrong with me, because shouldn't you care for someone who once meant a lot to you? Maybe I'm sick or something. But some of these people that I used to cry a lot over don't really take up any space in my heart or mind. I don't even feel the need to look for them on social media or write them for their birthday. I don't think that the news that they passed away or are ill or something horrible would affect me in any way. Maybe I am a coldhearted bitch. 

But then again, these people made me that way to some extent.

Now there's this thing that has been a pretty big thing in my life for... what, almost 3 years? And yesterday I realized that I would be confronted with that thing, that person, again in a few days. And my initial reaction was: "Meh."

I guess after I suffered through mot of this summer, I finally healed. Or I'm too obsessed with another thing that I can't muster the feelings for that big (yes, actually pretty big) thing. I used to be obsessed about it. 

Maybe (I don't know if I should hope for it, or not) I will suddenly be obsessed again once the date is here and I can't hide or distract myself. But I never felt this way about that thing before. Never. And that is kind of odd, scary even. 

I really hope that I have healed. That it's going to be okay after such a long time. Such a fucking long time. 

I don't regret anything of the past 3 years, I really don't. I think the reason I'm writing this blog now is that I'm even a little sad that apparently, it is over. Everything beautiful dies...

Metal Roadtrip: Epic Metal Fest in Tilburg!

Like I wrote in my last post, my main reason to go to EMF this year was The Agonist, but there actually were some other great bands on the billing that made the trip worth all the money and stress.

For example Myrath. I had never seen them before but I've been listening to their music since 2012. Kahina Spirit is a bellydancer on youtube and I found her videos back in 2010 and one of her videos also introduced me to them! So, I was very excited to see them live for the time and a week before I went I read that she was joining them onstage! Maximal fangirl moment <3

Another band that was on my list was Textures. You would think that seeing them 3x with amorphis would be enough for one year, but I'm Amy. When I like a band, I want to see them as often as possible :D

Also, Stream of Passion would play one of their last shows in Tilburg. They decided to split up after this year. I haven't been paying a lot of attention to SoP in the last years, but I'm a huge fan of their two first albums and I never had seen Stream in concert. I went for old time's sake.

So, I didn't sleep AT ALL after the concert Düsseldorf. I was in that dorm with 6 other girls and I was drunk as fuck and couldn't close my eyes. I don't know why, but I just couldn't fall asleep, I was a mess: happy, confused, drunk, all at the same time, so I didn't find any sleep. My alarm went off and I scurried through the dark, searching my stuff together and getting dressed in the dark, because I had already annoyed my cohabitants enough that night. I felt sick and took a walk to the train station. The cold air actually helped and made me feel better. I ate a bun at the trian station and then was picked up by Jessie and her friends and we were off to Tilburg. I honestly don't remember much of the car ride but listening to music and almost falling asleep. I almost told the girls to go to the festival without me and I would just sleep at the hotel all day, that's how bad I felt. 

Well, I'm glad I went anyway!

After the doors opened I went to see the first few shows on the main stage. Myrath actually were the first band to play there and they were perfect. I cried a little during Merciless times, because it was just so beautiful. And I hardly ever cry during a concert. But this time I did. There's something about arabic in songs that always touches my heart.

Textures were on next and of course they didn't disappoint. It was their first show of the day, they had another one at another festival on the same night. It's normally not really my style of music, but they already made me a fan on the second show I saw them play (earlier this year in Munich). I can't really describe it, but the energy and the changes in rhythm really do something to you if you let it happen. 

After Textures Stream of Passion was already on, but I only stayed until the middle of their set because I wanted to have a good spot at the Agonist (I know I saw them a day before, but...who cares? :P)

I screamed when Vicky came on stage, because, she was wearing my shirt! Yes, she decided of all the clothes she's had with her, she would wear mine! I can hardly believe it. It's one of the best feelings ever when your favorite singer wears one of your designs.

Yeah, so The Agonist played to an overpacked room and during some songs I thought the people behind me were trying to kill each other. I always stick to front row, so I seldomly take part in moshpits, but the guy who stood behind me got smashed into me quite a few times, although he wasn't participating. But hey, it's great when people have fun, just don't kill each other (I think Chris said something like that on stage as well, but I really don't remember a lot of details because I was so tired). They played a shorter set because they weren't a headliner that night, but it was a great mix of old and new songs.

So afterwards I just sat downstairs were all the merch was and made friends with another The Agonist fan, talked a little more with the guys and girl, made a complete fool of myself and met Kahina <3 I think the just sitting there and talking to nice people, making new friends was the best part of the trip! Thanks to everyone who was there with me <3

Metal Roadtrip: The Agonist in Düsseldorf!

So in the end of September I went on another adventure to see a band I absolutely love: The Agonist!

Actually, I had fallen in love with their music last September! I did know them since some when in 2012, I think, after browsing youtube and stumbling from one video to another. And it was the same like it is with so many bands I love: I heard one or two songs and thought "That's cool! I need to look into them a bit more!" and then I never did. In their case I did check them out after their change of singers took place in early 2014, but I honestly started really listening to them only in 2015 when Eye of Providence came out. I had bought the album the same day I saw them live in Graz, so I didn't know any song other than Gates of Horn and Ivory and Panophobia. The concert wasn't very convincing though because the sound really sucked and Vicky was sick. She actually couldn't play the show the next day. And the show took place on the same day that I discovered the Jonne project from Jonne Järvelä of Korpiklaani and... I fell in love with that album immediately and so everything else I did that day was pushed into the background... sorry, The Agonist!

I had Eye of Providence on my mp3player and listened to it from time to time over the summer 2015. I had a very hard time in late summer and found a lot of solace in their music. For some days at a time it was the only music I could tolerate. Everything else made me just sad and huddle in on myself. The Agonist made me fight though.

 

So, this year the wait was finally over. They announced a new album coming this fall and a show in Tilburg at Epic Metal Fest. I had no idea how I would eventually end up in the fucking Netherlands (it's a 12hr drive for me and none of my usual concert buddies were up for the trip!), but I was hyped as soon as I saw the band's name on the festival's Facebook. I started to make plans immediately, only to change them 3x over the summer. But I was sure I would go there. Then some more tourdates around EMF were announced and that made it easier for me, because I would go to Düsseldorf a day before EMF. Actually it was the only date in Germany (I pondered doing a roadtrip through Spain and Portugal for a minute), so they left me no choice! 

Düsseldorf is still a 10hr train ride from Vienna, but I did go to Bochum to drink with friends at an amorphis show (nobody believes me anyway but I went for my friends on not the show) and so I said I'd do it again for a band I love just as much. The train was a little overbooked so I ended up sitting in the bistro for most of the time, but I met friends on the train, so I had someone to chat with. 

Good thing I have a friend in Düsseldorf  who agreed to pick me up, bring me to my hostel and then go to the show with me. if you read this, Kay, you rock!

I do like shredding shirts and wearing them!

The show was in The Tube, which is a very small venue in the old town of Düsseldorf. I don't think I've ever seen a stage this small. I also hoped that no moshpit would happen because there was a pretty large pole in the middle of the room. I also met Jessie, the girl behind Magna Femina there who had agreed via facebook to give me a ride to Tilburg the next day.  

I can't even say much about the show, it was so perfect. I had secured my front row spot and constantly had Vicky's and Chris' hair in my face, but that's part of the fun, isn't it? So here are some pictures from the night:

I do like shredded shirts.

Vicky is worth it

Danny is such a photo model! He posed a little for me so I could get a nice picture! Thanks, Danny :)

It's great to be at shows were the band enjoy themselves. And they really did have a lot of fun.

 I didn't blow this picture up, I actually was THIS close.

20minutes into The Agonist and rock out and she gives you THIS look...

The stage was kind of crowded...^^

Yeah, the pictures are far from perfect, but I made them with my shitty phone and I am surprised by how good they turned out to be for that.

After the show I went straight to the merch and bought the bands shots. I had to, because I wanted to give a little love back. That's also why I gave Vicky a shirt I made.

Thanks to whoever took my phone and took a decent photo.

We stayed until the band packed up their stuff and left and I got to get my brand new copy of Five (what actually came out that day) signed, took pictures with three of them (I was so drunk I completely forgot about who I had took a blurry selfie with and who not). Not eating anything but a mozarella ciabatta all day (because I wasn't hungry and stressed out because of the train ride and everything) wasn't such a great part to the plan of getting drunk after the show. And it's not like I never had that plan. I ALWAYS have that plan :p (so I could have eaten accordingly during the day)

In this case I guess I was an okay-ish drunk person. I stole a beer, talked way too much, way too fast and way too personal stuff and then took a cab home because I couldn't have found my hostel if my life depended on it.  

I had a room in a 6 bed dorm and was greeted with shouts of "Close the door!" "Do you know how late it is?!" and "Lights off!" I guess I'm too old for this shit.

What, metal concert and endless trainrides? Never! I just started with that crazy behavior this year :D

But 6 bed dorm rooms? Yeah, I think I'm over that.

Stay tuned for my next blog entry to read what I was up to in Tilburg. ;)

Beautiful things did happen here...

So yesterday I went to a concert and was so inspired, I wanted to start blogging again. And here I am. Strange things happened on this blog.

And strange things usually happen in Bratislava, were I was yesterday.

I don't know how to start. So I guess I'll just type until something makes sense.

We went to see Novembre, Isole, Shores of Null and April Weeps in Bratislava, Club Randall. I live in Vienna, so Bratislava is only an hour away. I've been to so many concerts there, I would find the way to the club in my sleep ;) I actually once went to Bratislava with my parents as a typical tourist and everything looked so different in daylight! 

And the Club Randall and the MMC almost feel like home to me. And the food! 

Yesterday's concert was the first one of many to come this fall. I actually worked though all of summer without a break bigger than three days to be able to afford all those crazy adventures! 

I wasn't too excited about all the bands, honestly. I went mainly to have a nice time with friends.

When we arrived, the first band, April Weeps, were already playing. First I thought "Oh, another female fronted band trying to be...wait!" Because they were actually really good. I was blown away within two songs. So much fun, such good vibes! 

 

The other bands also did a great job, but for me, the local support stayed the best of the night ;)

The weather was also great, so we were sitting outside and ate pizza in between sets. I eat that pizza every time I'm there, because there's a nice little place just on the other side of the street from the club. I'm 99% sure that's also the catering bands get when they play there. At least the pizza box did look familiar to me ;)

Later I ran into Marta from April Weeps in the washroom. I don't want to brag, but things like these happen all the time. But hey, band people are just normal people too, right? I talked to her briefly and then bought their CD (I had to ask her first because they didn't have it at the merch table).

Anyway, this is just a little love letter to my favorite city in the world and me being totally excited about having discovered a great band :) Please support April Weeps on their Bandcamp and if you get the chance, go to Bratislava!